Dear Martha:

I don't even have tears to cry. Do you know how dry one is to not have tears to even cry? Do you know the pain to not even be able to cry? I want to reach out to you and for you to reach out to me and do something for me and I don't even know what to ask for. I am not confused I am not unhappy. I am not happy. I am not anything. I don't want to do anything. I don't want anything. I don't even know why I am writing to you because I don't even want to say anything. I guess, I just want you to tell me what to do to heal my pain somehow, if you could.

Signed: Miserable

Dear Miserable:

Oh my, oh my, oh my! How many days and nights and even years I have knelt by my bed and said those same words to Christ and to GOD my Father. I'd say, Where are you Jesus? Where are you GOD? I could not count the days, and it seems even last night or but a moment ago that I cried those same things to GOD, unbearable pain, unexplainable pain, unsearchable pain, unhealable pain, excruciating sorrow, sorrow too deep for words, and all that remains is a please, Father, abide and comfort and touch me, for I am in need!

I don't even know to say, Father help me here, or Father, help me there, or Father, I need, or Father, can you see your way to do this for me? And on and on it goes, just a prayer of emptiness filled to overflowing with mourning and sorrow. And yet I am so full and want to say so much and then when I try to speak the fullness and the overflowing pain, there are no words, for I think it is this and I realize it is not. And then I think it is something else and begin to speak it and realize it is not that. And then something else and it is not that either. And I come back to that overflowing mourning and pain and sorrow that has no face and no cup that I can pour out of myself and get rid of it.

I can tell you what I do. There are several places I put myself into. The first place is in the tomb on that slab of death that Jesus laid upon, and I in the darkness am waiting for the angels to roll away the stone and set me free and bring me into the light of the problems that are torturing my spirit and soul and mind and flesh. I abide in the tomb and know that the light shall enter in and retrieve me from my darkness. I would literally go into my own dark clothes closet and sit there in the darkness on the floor, alone, waiting for the angels to come and minister to me.

Another thing I do is hang on the cross. I specifically remember being in so much physical pain before having a surgery for tumors to be removed, the only pain I could liken a worse pain to, to get through it was the nails in Christ's hands and feet and His crucifixion. And as I did, my pains became lessened and tolerable and I could weep for Christ and forget my own sufferings for the moment. When you cannot cry for yourself anymore, you will find that you can weep for others. A mystery? Yes, but it is a fact, a true fact!

Since Jesus said the Kingdom of GOD is within us, I knew I had to enter into that Kingdom to get help for myself and that it would not nor could come from man or the world or from anything in this life or flesh.

And Jesus said, when we pray, enter into our prayer closets, our hearts and our minds, and into our inner selves and pray to GOD in secret, not to men, nor to men, but to Him alone and He shall then reply to us, not through men, but through His own power and divinity as our heavenly Father who cares for us with an undying love, a forever and all encompassing love. As He sent His angels to Jesus, He will send His angels to us in our Gethsemane's.

There is that ever present help, the Bible says, where two are gathered together in Christ's name, there He is in the midst of them. So then, it does help to go to a brother or sister of the LORD, not to complain or be a cry baby, but to simply obey the Word of GOD that says, where two are gathered together in His name, or in other words, to learn of Him, He shall come and abide and be in the midst of those two to instruct them into the glory of Himself. And He will lead and guide and instruct and comfort through the truth, the Spirit and the WORD. Sometimes the truth is bitter, and sometimes it is like honey in the mouth, and so, so sweet!

And I have found that when I am the most miserable, my love of GOD is strong, and when I hurt, it is stronger, and when I am in pain, it is exceedingly stronger, and when I am sorrowful, it is like a huge field all lighted up with candles.

And there are times, dear one, when we must bear the sorrow and rest, or go to sleep, or simply trust the light to come to us and know that it will and not leave us in the darkness. I even look forward to the great light of death that shall one day become my passageway into a great destiny and a great eternal home of magnificence and glory, no pain, no tears, no death, no sorrow, no dying, and no sickness, and there waiting are not only my own loved ones that have gone on to heaven, but the thought of seeing Ezekiel, and Daniel, and Moses, and all the great ones of the scriptures, thrills my soul, and then to think of seeing Jesus ....... that glory is inexpressible!

This is my great secret, no matter how awful things are, no matter how painful, no matter how horrendous, no matter how sorrowful, no matter how pain wracked I am or how impossible a situation is, I say, This is but temporal! It shall pass! It is temporal! It is not eternal nor shall it last but it shall pass away and I remain! It is temporal, but I am eternal! It is but for the moment! It is temporal and then shall be gone from me. It is but temporal, but I am not!

Now sometimes things get exceedingly worse before they are gone. And sometimes they get better and are gone even though we feared the worse, and lived in the pains of those fears. Nonetheless, every day changes and time alone presses us onward and forward into eternity. No man can stop those changes and days and years and seconds from ticking away at us and the earth and all we know. It is all temporal, even pain and sorrow, temporal!

So in your despairs, always say, This too shall pass! And at the threshold even of death, say, This too shall pass! For I die, but once! We only bury a body one time. When I buried Papa, I only buried him once. I did not have to suffer that sorrow a second time. All things are temporal, even death. Life alone is eternal, and that life is in Christ Jesus our LORD, which no sorrow can take from us, not even death, for death is that portal to give us that life that never dies.

Please be encouraged in the temporal reality of all things you see and feel! These things are all temporal, but we are not!

Love from a friend that has the literal physical scars of an attempted suicide, that was by the grace of GOD a temporal deadly mistake to my own sorrow of heart.


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